Insults

Save your breath.  You'll need it to blow up your date.

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I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

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I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

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If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
Henny Youngman

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The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
-- Henny Youngman

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Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.
Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.
Do not walk beside me, either.
Just leave me the heck alone.

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You look like a million bucks! (All green and wrinkled.)

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Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma.

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I never forget a face...but in your case I'll make an exception!

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Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

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100,000 sperm to choose from, and you were the fastest.

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I may be fat, but you're ugly, and I can diet.

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I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week.

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Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

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Seen on T-Shirts:

So Few Men, So Few Who Can Afford Me

Coffee, Chocolate, Men...Some Things are Just Better Rich

Wanted: Meaningful Overnight Relationship

I was born at night but not last night.

If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was going to blame it on you!

My answer is right it is your question that is wrong.

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    At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
    The other replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."

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Don't worry everyone makes mistakes take your parents for example.

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Your  a couple fries short of a happy meal!

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Someday we'll look back on this and laugh nervously.

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Thank you, we're all challenged by your unique point of view.

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Hi, I'm earth, have we met?

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I see that you set this time aside to humiliate yourself

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I'll try being nicer, if you try being smarter