243
Ways to annoy People!!
1. Specify
that your drive-thru order is "to go."
2. If you
have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
3. Start each
meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub."
4. Name your
dog "Dog."
5. Insist
on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
6. Reply to
everything someone says with "that's what you think."
7. Claim that
you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
8. Follow
a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
9. Make beeping
noises when a large person backs up.
10. Do not
add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more
any moment.
11. Adjust
the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
12. Tell 1-800
operators they sound gay and ask for a date.
13. Sew anti-theft
detector strips into people's backpacks.
14. Hide dairy
products in inaccessible places.
15. Order
a side of pork rinds with your fillet mignon.
16. Change
channels five minutes before the end of every show.
17. Tape pieces
of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climatic parts of rental movies.
18. Decline
to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
19. Buy a
large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
20. Repeat
everything someone says as a question.
21. Write
"X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's road maps.
22. Inform
everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination, UFO, and OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.
23. Repeat
the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?", "What?", "Never mind, it's gone now."
24. Light
road flares on a birthday cake.
25. Wander
around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
26. At the
Laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
27. Stand
over someone's shoulder, mumbling as they read.
28. Ask people
what gender they are.
29. Lick the
filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.
30. While
making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
31. Lie obviously
about trivial things such as the time of day.
32. Leave
your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
33. Change
your name to "John Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand
that people pronounce each "a."
34. Sit in
your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
35. Chew on
pens that you've borrowed.
36. Wear a
lot of cologne.
37. Listen
to 33RPM records at 45RPM speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
38. Sing along
at the opera.
39. Mow your
lawn with scissors.
40. At a golf
tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhwing-batter!"
41. Ask the
waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
42. Go to
a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
43. Ask your
co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
44. Select
the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
45. Construct
elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
46. Make appointments
for the 31st of September.
47. Invite
lots of people to other people's parties.
48. Leave
the copy machine set to reduce 200Àextra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
49. In the
memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
50. Stomp
on little plastic ketchup packets.
51. Practice
making fax and modem noises.
52. Highlight
irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc." them to your boss.
53. Finish
all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophecy."
54. Signal
that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
55. Disassemble
your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
56. Holler
random numbers while someone is counting.
57. Staple
papers in the middle of the page.
58. Publicly
investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
59. Honk and
wave to strangers.
60. TYPE ONLY
IN UPPERCASE.
61. type only
in lowercase.
62. dont use
any punctuation either
63. As much
as possible, skip rather than walk.
64. Try playing
the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and
repeat.
65. Sing the
theme to the Batman television show as loudly as you can, over and over and over..
66. Tell people
their accent isn't fooling anyone.
67.
Drum on every available surface.
68. Write
the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
69. Set alarms
for random times.
70. Learn
Morse code and have conversations with friends in public consisting of "Beeeep bip bip beeeep bip.."
71. Buy large
quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.
72. Leave
your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume properly adjusted.
73. Dress
only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.
74. Wear your
pants backwards.
75. Begin
all your sentences with "Ohh la la!"
76. Rouse
your roommates from slumber each morning with Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music."
77. Leave
someone's printer in compressed-italic-landscape mode.
78. Pay for
your dinner with pennies.
79. Tie jingle
bells to all your clothes.
80. Repeat
everything someone says, as a question.
81. Leave
tips in Bolivian currency.
82. Demand
that everyone address you as "Conquistador."
83. Push all
the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
84. When Christmas
caroling, sing "Jingle bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
85. Wear a
cape that says "Magnificent One."
86. Finish
the 99 bottles of beer song.
87. Sing the
"This is the song that never ends" song from Lampchop's Play-Along.
88. Leave
your turn signal on for fifty miles.
89. Pretend
your mouse is a CB radio, and talk into it.
90. Drive
half a block.
91. Inform
others that they exist only in your imagination.
92. Cultivate
a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a southern drawl.
93. "Forget"
the punch line to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
94. Routinely
handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes."
95. Deliberately
hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad," the Archies' "Sugar," or the Mr. Rogers
theme song.
96. Invent
nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
97. Ask to
"interface" with someone.
98. Incessantly
recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket."
99. Stare
at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."
100. Scuff
your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.
101. Never
make eye contact.
102. Never
break eye contact.
103. Construct
your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, pronouncing the results.
104. Give
a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cossell voice.
105. Occasionally
bark in a high-pitched voice.
106. Say "okay,
you're gay" to anything someone says.
107. As people
talk, smell their shoulders.
108. When
in a conversation, look out the window, then say "Wait, start over. I wasn't paying attention."
109. Say to
people, "Did you wear deodorant today?"
110. Place
your shoes on the table.
111. When
talking to someone, look at a spot about two inches to their right.
112. When
standing near a "high-class person," ask them, "Excuse me, but do I have a booger hanging on my nose? I thought I picked it
off."
113. Switch
your neighbor's lawn furniture with someone else's.
114. Call
into work and tell them you have something better to do today.
115. Buy goldfish
and ask the clerk if they come with chips.
116. Sample
every flavor of ice cream and tell the clerk what you don't like about each one.
117. Pick
your ear wax and ask if you could use their sleeve to wipe it off.
118. Insist
completely ridiculous things are true - like Bush is still President.
119. Speak
in a strong Welsh accent.
120. Wear
odd shoes.
121. Learn
"Ice Ice Baby" by heart and recite it endlessly.
122. Disagree
strongly with everything anybody says.
123. Throw
stones at people walking past your house.
124. Keep
changing the TV channel every two seconds.
125. Insist
that Celine Dion is better than the Beatles.
126. Whenever
anyone says something, laugh loudly as if they have just told and extremely funny joke.
127. Phone
McDonald's and try to make a reservation for that evening.
128. Spend
an entire weekend pretending you are R2-D2.
129. Phone
random numbers and tell them you are holding their daughter hostage.
130.
Recite the first 4,000 decimal places of Pi. Then ask if people want to hear it in binary, too.
131. Pretend
you have gone completely deaf.
132.
.sdrawkcab etirW
133. Walk
into people's houses, go straight to the fridge without saying hello, and help yourself to their food.
134. Speak
so quietly that people always have to get you to repeat it.
135. Loudly
recite people's most embarrassing secrets in restaurants.
136. Play
the electric guitar very loudly and badly, then when the neighbors ask you to turn it down, play even louder. When they come
round to complain again, say, "Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you asked me to turn it up!
137. Try to
fit the word "cornucopia" into every sentence you say.
138. Drive
on the wrong side of the road.
139. Secretly
learn to play the piano, then go to a friend's house who has a piano. Claim you've never played before then play Jesu Joy
of Man's Desiring perfectly the first time. Then say, "I guess I must kinda be a natural."
140. Go canoeing
and sing the Hawaii Five-0 theme.
141. Claim
that until recently, you thought Michael Jackson was a woman.
142. Wear
your cap backwards and say "Yo, wazzup?" a lot.
143. Go to
a Metallica concert wearing a Michael Bolton T-Shirt.
144. Tell
everyone you are Bill Clinton's cousin.
145. Take
photos of people walking down the street and then run away.
146. Dedicate
your life to politics, become president of the United States, then raise all taxes to 90å/FONT>
147. Down
a can of Coke in one drink and then burp loudly.
148. Insist
that it was Bobby who shot J.R.
149. Bark
like a dog whenever anyone says the word "the."
150. Wire
up people's cars so the horn comes on as soon as their car is started.
151. Ride
a unicycle to work.
152. E-mail
Microsoft to tell them about bugs in Windows XP that aren't actually there.
153. Stare
at people for about five minutes, making sure they know you're staring at them. Then, slowly sneak up to them while humming
the Mission: Impossible theme. Sniff their head, then run away. Repeat.
154. Continuously
mumble during a conversation.
155. Take
off the eraser to every pencil in your house, or better yet, someone else's house.
156. When
in a chat room, spell everything incorrectly.
157. Insist
on "Weird Al" sing-a-longs.
158. On a
hot summer day, ride up and down the road and drench pedestrians with squirt guns.
159. When
walking down a main road, act like a drunk.
160. Wear
nothing but white and go mud wrestling.
161. Walk
up to someone eating. Lean over and stare at them intently until they notice. Continue to do so until they ask what you're
doing. Reply, "I've been watching you eat for the last 30 seconds.. You're weird!" Leave the restaurant.
162. When
walking, talk to yourself constantly.
163. Move
people's bookmarks ahead three pages when they aren't looking.
164. Call
the operator. When asked, "Can I help you?" reply, "No thanks, just browsing."
165. Go to
a gumball machine insert coins until you have a matching pair of fake eyeballs. After attaining these, record the theme song
of The Twilight Zone over and over again. Drive down the street wearing the eyeballs and playing The Twilight Zone theme very
loud. When you get pulled over, leap into the passenger's seat and claim, "He was here a minute ago, officer!"
166. On a
night other than Halloween, get a few friends together and dress like Jason from Friday the 13th. Have each of you stand a
mile apart on a highway.
167. After
visiting the local donut shop, sit on the floor cross-legged and insist in a childish voice that you haven't received enough
chocolate sprinkles.
168. Push
a raisin into someone's cream-filled donut. (I don't get this one.)
169. Spread
fertilizer on half your neighbor's lawn.
170. Add A535
(liquid heat) to that little hole down the center of someone's anti-perspirant.
171.
172.
173. Add blank
entries to lists, to make it look like it's longer.
174. Call
every pager number you know and leave the number for your local McDonald's.
175. Wash
and scrub the trees in your front lawn.
176. Throw
newspapers back at paperboys.
177. Tell
people their fly is down when they're wearing sweat pants.
178. Stand
on a busy corner. Gasp, look and point up. See how many people look.
179. At random
times in a conversation, say "Hi," "Hello Sir, how are you?" or "Have a good day, thank you."
180. Put electrical
tape over the headlights of someone's car.
181. Walk
up to random strangers insisting you are family.
182. Dress
like a "High-class rich person" and wash windows at random street corners. Demand a dollar in a British accent.
183. When
a cop pulls you over, when they step up to your car, drive forward slowly and make them walk. Especially if it's raining.
184. In an
office, lock all the doors behind you.
185.
Face the back when standing in an elevator.
186. Grin
so wide it hurts your cheeks at every salesperson in town.
187. When
at an ATM, try to have a conversation with it, or pretend it stole your card. (This works best if there's a line.)
188. Unbend
all the paperclips you can find, then replace every eraser you can find with a rubber band.
189. Ask people
to prove everything they say. (e.g. "I'm Bob, nice to meet you..." "PROVE IT!")
190. Sharpen
All your pencils to the same size EXACTLY.
191. Answer
every question with another question. As soon as one of you says a statement instead of a question, shout "I win!".
192. Pose
as a client at a bank or other professional institution, and when you are seated in front of their desk, keep
rearranging the items on top into different patterns and tell them you are "just reorganizing things."
193. Instead
of singing 99 bottles of beer on the wall, sing 999,999,999 bottles of beer on the wall!
194. Call
every girl you know "dude".
195. Recite
every song from the Playstation games PaRappa the Rapper and Um Jammer Lammy.
196. Bring
a portable CD player to a concert and listen the CD because you insist that it is "Just better quality"
197. Press
the "power" button on on someone's computer or keyboard when they're almost finished typing up a long essay, story etc. Apologize
sincerely, claiming that you thought it was the focus adjustment.
198. Call
911 and breathe heavily.
199. Take
a shower. Feel guilty. Give it back.
200. Mow your
carpet. (Or preferably somebody else's)
201. Vacuum
your lawn. (See note on 200)
202. Recite
shakespearian poetry to everyone you meet.
203. Go to
McDonalds and ask for a BK Whopper.
204. Order
a pizza and ask them if they can "please put the crust on top this time" in an exasperated voice.
205. Every
time someone asks you to do something or says something to you ask "Is that a threat?"
206. When
in an elevator, in different voices, shout out random floors, and then watch as you get there, no one gets off.
207. Also,
when riding up an elevator with a stranger, start singing a song that everyone knows, then expect them to start singing too.
If they do not start singing, insist, "Everyone knows that song. Are you stupid?"
208. While
walking make car noises loudly (Such as changing gears).
209. Whenever
somebody says something, ask what the simplest word they said means. When they explain, ask what the simplest word in their
explanation means. Repeat this for the entire conversation.
210. Go up
to a someone and say, "Are you annoyed by irrelevant questions?" And then walk away very quickly.
211. Finish
each sentence with "Monkey See, Monkey Do".
212. Click
your mechanical pencils or your pens during a test in school.
213. Pretend
you are invisible.
214. Convince
people you are deaf and talk in an incredibly phony sign language.
215. Spend
all day at a fast food restaurant and see how long it takes before you have to pay for your "free" refills.
216. Continuously
open your briefcase or bag and say into it, "Have you got enough air in there?"
217. While
going down in an elevator scream, "AAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!!! WE'RE GONNA DIE!!!" for no apparent reason.
218. Call
everyone a communist.
219. Explain
"the little green men" in detail to someone, and when they don't believe you, accuse them of being one in disguise.
220.. Call
your neighbors collect.
221. Whenever
someone finishes a sentence say, "And then what happened?"
222. Page
yourself over an intercom, but don't disguise your voice.
223. Send
people annoying chain forwards with outrageous consequences like "If you don't send this to 300 people in 4 seconds you will
die instantly" and then insist that it is true and it happened to your uncle.
224. When
walking push an invisible cart and make loud squeaky noises.
225. Walk
up to random people and ask them, very seriously, "Do you know the muffin man?"
226. Clear
your throat every three or four words while speaking.
227. Look
at your hand in amazement and say, "Whoa, I never knew I had this!"
228. While
driving if you see a "How am I driving" bumper sticker, call the number and inform the operator that the driver is doing a
great job.
229. When
driving with companions in the car, every few seconds slam on the brakes and insist that a squirrel ran in front
of you.
230. When
driving with companions in the car, every few seconds slam on the brakes and insist that a squirrel ran in front
of you.
231. Whenever
anybody says anything to you. Respond by saying, "I know."
232. Sending
this list to all of your friends through email. :-)
233. Continue
to ask someone, "Is this annoying? Is this annoying?" over and over and over.
234. Tap someone
on the shoulder repeatedly.
235. Begin
every sentence with, "By the Gods!"
236. When
you're in an argument, no matter what it's about, keep yelling "I don't see your name on it!".
237. When
in public, pretend you are selling something in an infomercial.
238. At a
restaurant, repeatedly send your food back for changes and after awhile insist that, "This isn't what I ordered!"
239. Go to
a shoe store and try on every shoe, then say that you aren't interested in buying shoes and leave.
240. Put powdered
sugar in your hair, sit down next to a stranger, and scratch your head a lot.
241. Turn
on the Talk Radio Stations in your car, roll down your windows, and headbang.
242. Walk
around with a plastic sword and shield and tell strangers "I must avenge the death of my father."
243. Scotch
tape your door as an Anti-theft Device.
244. Super
Glue quarters to floors.
245. Put the
wrong date and year on the papers you hand in to your teachers.
246. Call
random numbers and say "Hi, this is Julie from Basken Robins. If you can name 31 flavors in 31 seconds you get a free scoop."
247. WRIGHT
N AL CAPITOL LETERS AND MISSSSSPEL EVRYTHIND!!!
248. Get two
cell phones and talk to yourself on them in front of other people
